Under The Oil Spill

what was high school like?


personally, it really changed my outlook in life. i had to go down to see where should i stand in life, i learned to value people, i learned that i should surround myself with happy people 'cause i'm quiet and shy. i have to do my best in class not because i know i can but not to embarrass myself to my crush. i'm not always the first when it comes to fashion or one of the best looking girls in high school, but that was it... molding myself to the person i am now.

all i wanted before high school class started are friends, new set of classmates for sure. you know what? it has been 10 years since we all knew each other but until now it just feels like we're freshmen over and over again every time we all meet up .

like i said i am shy and reserved. so i was fond of listening to people and looking observing on things around me. so much going on in my mind. searching for answers to questions about life. is it found through people around you? on how much influences they've rub off unto you. while thinking how much money do i have in my pocket to buy snacks and for fare.

it was in high school i fell in love with books and writing. it was when my mind was talking to myself so loud i wish others could hear 'em but with no guts, yes they we're left unsaid and forgotten.

it was in high school that i started to appreciate people of different gender and respected them in their own senses. it was in high school i fell in love, with no one to everrr talked to because i was sooo sure i could handle it myself when in fact i was at my breaking point. i was afraid to share my emotions and heartaches because they might just laugh about it, and i was damn sure they are also darn busy with their own love problems that mine wouldn't be much of an interest.

you see in high school, all i could firmly and clearly remember was my experience being in love. it wasn't the exams or the oral recitations. yes, although you can share it to others or your hs friends and laugh about it. but being in love in high school taught me to be human.

human, in a way that all my senses are at it's peak. it's like my surviving skills we're tested. well, as i said all i wanted was to gain friends. oh yes, i did gained, a lot in fact. but few we're worthy.

1st day.

when i was searching for a sit in a crowded room full of yagits ( means kids in a local dialect) my peripheral vision caught a particular person sitting at the back as i was walking. i was pretty sure we hadn't been introduced but a name just flash in my mind that says john mark. it's like those news channels on the bottom part where you'll be able to read the headlines. it's just there. well i haven't confirmed it yet, of course i was shy. but i couldn't stop myself from glancing once in a while to that dark handsome guy that's chatting with his friends and keeps laughing with them. i just had a feeling that i knew him. that somewhat we'll be dealing much in the future.

that night. a phone call, strange it was a man's voice, asking if we have assignments for tomorrow. it was him. you know what? i happen to know i have a heart that would jump out of my system then i couldn't breathe, and i was getting cold. i couldn't explain it. and how the hell did he have my number when i only give to the girls. i answered back that we don't have any-end of conversation. the next day i knew why he has my number because unknowingly, a girl really asked for my number thinking it was really her cellphone she was using but then it was his. so there, a coincidence?

i always thought that classes starts at 6.30am so by 6.15 i have to leave my house. so when i arrive, the spectacular sunlight making it's way through the branches and leaves of the trees surrounding the campus and the perfectly green grass fields and the fogs that early morning coldness creates welcomed me. as i sat on one of the benches near my room which still wasn't open because there was still no one around as early as i was. so there waiting for more high school students to arrive then him, mark would be there sits near me but wouldn't say a word. it would only be minutes or sometimes mark and i would almost always get there at the same time. well i didn't knew then he just lives near the school,so no wonder he would get there early.

i wasn't paying attention to my looks back then. all i know is that i don't look like a witch, just a plain school girl. i'm not the kind who always have powders, combs, and colognes in their pockets. i don't really care. i just want to learn. carefree. but sometimes i get to be conscious, and compared myself with those really beautiful and classy people. i had to learn myself. the whole structure of me, what i was built. then i knew each and every one are not alike, i deserved to love me.

i wasn't struggling for good grades because i just knew i can pass because i believe
in what i can do. and i've proved it. i was gaining a little bit of independence along the way.

but the real battle was always about love. finding that one person that would truly love me back. was never a priority. but somehow i know it will come but then again i never expected that it would hit me hard early in high school. and honestly i never had a boyfriend back then. that guy i was talking about was and is the first guy that i truly love and got my heart broken.

but before it all ended up in tragedy. i have cute stories to share. he was the first guy i ever had a date with. actually a friend sort of paid for it, and i swear it was only for 5 pesos date. it was intramural week so there was blind date booth. well i told only a girl friend that i have a huge crush on him but never really actually would want to go ahead for that game. so there we were in that room blind folded, i was peeping through it. there were people in the room watching us, which was also distracting. that was when we first held hand. and i was sweating like a pig.

my reflexes wouldn't fail me. every time i would move my head it would only point to him and i just stare at him. i couldn't perfectly describe the feeling of it but i was trying my best to get to know him even without asking him personally (hahaha i was just afraid). i don't usually asked around but people talk. i just listen. so i knew then that he is of different faith than mine. but i made my decision even before i knew it, that i would gladly change my religion for the person that i love. whoah! i had no idea.

i would look at him and yes he would complete my day. but i was pushing my feelings away. that he will just hurt me in the end. and yes, i wasn't wrong. i found out one day he had a girlfriend and on that day i was scheduled to go to the dentist have my tooth extracted. and after that first extraction my doctor asked if i would want the other tooth also be pulled. and so i decided to go for it. the pain isn't too bad to handle after all but the one in my heart was unbearable. i have to move on. i see him every day, but i have to just look somewhere else. i even saw them together, how i wish i would just rip them off. but ofcourse i was just a nobody. he was a soccer player so the team travel much. i entertained guys who said they liked me. i get to talk to them. but i realized why is it i can't do these things with him. one of his team mate had a crush on me. so that guy keeps calling me every night. the team was away and he might have heard that the other guy was courting me. while i was in my bed. scribbling notes from my mind. i drew a cartoon that a girl in her room is thinking that her crush would call him. and immediately after that my phone rang, i answered and it was him on the other line. he was asking if i liked him but i was afraid to say yes, for a reason that he happens to have a girlfriend. so sad.

fast forward 10 years later.

we've moved on. i finished school, passed the boeard exam. i'm in a relationship now. a serious one. mature one. my partner is the best. he makes me laugh. who's always there for me. he takes care of us. he has a job. we almost agree and disagree at times. we're both happy. i couldn't ask for more. his name is john mark. yes it was him 10 years ago. see, i was pretty sure we'll end up together. <3 prayers are answered. just have faith. and now i'm still crazy in love with him, actually he feels the same. and i've changed my faith, i'm now a christian and i'm glad we have found the director of our lives, God. who is the center of our relationship. we both go to church together, which makes it even great. :)

we have history that we can share together and just laugh about it. through everything we learned to value people and ourselves, our emotions, i learned many things. i know that i am living a more meaningful life. we're both looking forward to a good future together an our very own family. :)

So thank you high school for everything. life's lesson learned from scratch. <3