Where you've been for that last few days? Been trying to connect but there is nothing to expect. Same thing goes along. I'm being left alone. Do you still remember me? Keep wondering and hoping you still. Missing things been trying to fill them up. But knowing the fact that it can't be replaced. Blew my face with so much sadness. I can't move. My mind still thinks of us. Unfairly.

nonsense. try listening to Battle by Colbie Caillat. Beautiful song. :)

They told me to get out of the graveyard that I made for myself. The line that most of my friends keep telling about the affair that I'm in. It's a long distance so it's the kind prone to temptations and lies that would eventually lead to broken heart, pain, tears, and some went to the other life.

I give full attention to their concerns for me. They are my friends. I know they won't turn their backs when the earth under my feet shakes. They are scared for me. They worry alot about me.

The reasons: I'm here in my place being a good girl while my boy is living in a far away land. For me, he's doing the good deeds just not to tear my paper heart. Keeping in touch most of the time. And telling things like what he's been up to and the worries. Typical conversations that normal couple have but the absence of each earthly bodies.

The worry: My friends think that he is not exerting effort in our relationship more than I do. Simply they think that I'm the one who's loving more in our situation. Which they think is unfair.

Me: When you love someone does it really matter of who's loving more or less? The moment that I made up my mind about falling inlove is that give my love to someone whom I think never seen the light of day. My mind was telling me to be a saviour perhaps or a challenge for myself . If I'll be able to stand up for my decision long enough. Through all the pain and sufferings. And until now it's right in me. I couldn't get rid of it. 'Cause simply I'm enjoying the game that I'm in. And I have stayed true which I already proved to myself . But why is it I'm not letting this go? When you love, is it the end of everything? Or the beginning of a new chapter? Does it mean it's over when everything seems to be going at the right way? Maybe I wanted more. I couldn't get enough that's why I'm staying.

I know that we are at our best behaviour. Though there are little misunderstandings but eventually get fixed. We are open to suggestions and we talk like best friends. Look, we are not imitating the past we are renovating for the future. And so far so good. Success is still in the process and we are having fun along with it. The unexpected greetings that comes anytime of the day it melts our souls.

Do you think I should be living a life without him? Do you think I'm not happy knowing we have each other? That's why they are asking me to leave.

I know in the end my decision shall prevail. But I'm ready to face the consequences. I have it in my mind. When all else fails, I'll cry and get sad. Who wouldn't?

End

How I wish I could be somehow the very person that anyone would want me to be. But it doesn't work that way. Typically all I know we have our differences. That's all we have and change goes along with it. People act dirty some get hurt and felt the pain. WTF am I thinking? I don't own this world. I shouldn't put in my head "The World According To Me" 'cause I'll get myself into trouble. Maybe I have some things in mind but better yet I'll keep it to myself. And if someone maybe said something that might have offended me in one way or the other. Damn it. I'm the one who asked for it. So I put the blame on me.

Truth hurts and that is that. Deal with reality.

Get things started without even starting it, has been my entire guide for the past weeks in doing my tasks. I'm trying to change things but at the end of the day I find myself the same old me again. I wonder if life just has a hanging point (Why am I wondering when in fact I feel that way.). Weird. So when would be the twists of life come again and make my life a little bit interesting. I find myself thinking of the future right now. And it's a positive one. That's a good sign.

I'm trying to push away this part of my entry 'cause it's too corny but I just can't help myself not to write anything about the other side of the rainbow. It's been two months and twenty days since the last time I was with my guy. And to think about the things we've been through it felt like years. But there is no way we'll be able to see each other again. It'll be in a very long time. I hope we still belong to each other by that time comes. I admit that sometimes I can't assure myself that my bf, who is living at the other side of this world, is being true to me. Likewise, I know that he thinks that way towards me. But I can assure the world I'm being honest in this relationship. Too dramatic. And if you don't trust me I don't care. I have my conscience guiding me and a heart and mind that's telling me to be a loyal gf. And I don't feel I'm having a hard time doing it. In fact I'm enjoying it. But does he? well he tells me that he is.hahaha Anyway, I can say in the end if all this wouldn't end up a happy ever after at least I stayed true. So what?! if I invested a long time in this relationship but I'm happy. That's the important thing.

You can always find tuklodtuklodicream everywhere in the streets of Dipolog. But you'll never find the right one that'll satisfy your tastebuds. I highly recommend the best among the bests. None other than TOM-TOM the favorite flavor of the road. hehehe nonsense.

Cheap but very good. So as with this life we find happiness that value less without lowering the value of ourselves. You only need one thing at a time. I admit I'm not being at my best effort right now but there are things I'm good at. It's just not what you see. But I will never let things easy and spit them out. It's called discovering.

Falling in love.finding peace and happiness where it has been laid below your feet. Yes, within your reach. The obstacles. The pressures. The betrayal. The hatred. Which are execised by some of us. We get hurt and suffered the blame. But the journey doesn't stop there not the way we really thought it would. We miss people and we get sad.But think of what you would feel when you'll be able tof inally find them. Isn't it ironic? laugh along with me. I'm tired of being this. I think change would be a good option. Sigh.
These are all nonsense. Maybe later I'll be able to find my own safe place. Surrounded with great hate butI know I'll be fine. It's good to face fear when you know your safe.

No improvements at all!...unbelievable. wahaha kawawang bata..
I'm not in the mood to write anything right now. I'm so disturbed with many thoughts rushing in my mind and I can't even catch a single one of it.

What a world record! I couldn't believe myself. We had series of quizzes for the prelim term and all of 'em I wasn't able to pass. Am I that dull? Oh I don't know what to do. I am loosing hope and I wanted it to be over. I feel like my knowledge isn't really that tough to be able to stand in this course. But I shouldn't act like this. I wanted to change this. I know there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. But as of now I'm really lost. Sad to say..

I keep thinking about going back to kindergarten days. Everything are just beauty and play. Easy to be exact. And I guess I can only be in that place in my dreams. But moving forward..I'm sticking to this rough road life and do something about it. I think, it's an easy thing to just say but hard to put in actions. That's me. You guessed it. I don't do physical work. I like it that my mind is working. I hate tasks. I just love to think big or small. Whatever. Nobody gives shit..but I enjoy doing it. And by doing so I find peace and serenity ( sounds familiar?hehehe) .

Oh yeah...I'll rock til I drop.

........summer time.....

I was forced by my friend to post this photo. Ergh. This is my secret world and nobody has to know about this..Sssshhh. Just you and me. hahaha
Like every love story it always has a beginning and an end. It started when they were still in their freshmen year in high school. The girl had a crush on this guy the moment she saw him. And she even knows the name even though they weren't being introduced. She knew that there is something special about him. But she took his presence for granted. Of course she has to think of her family and the people surrounding her. She needs not to rush things. The guy confessed his love to her but turned him down. She knows she's hurting him but she's hurting even more. And that's the part of the story that was never told. The guy is going to transfer to another place and study there for good. He even informed the girl that he's leaving and that he still loves her. But the girl was thinking that maybe it was just a joke so that she could end up confessing how much she loves him. 'Cause she still doesn't want to let him know for the reason that he might end up breaking her heart. But on the second thought maybe it's true and that she will never be able to see him again and will never know of her feelings for him. But it was too late to say those things to the guy.
The school year had started and news were breaking to who's new and who's gone in the campus. And then she found out that he's gone too. She wanted to reach him through his contact number but fate has it. Her sim card got lost and maybe he already changed his number. So years gone by. The girl turned down few guys 'cause she is still in love with the "guy". She was blaming herself for the torment she's been going through. The loneliness she is suffering but she finds ways to keep up. She had her friends to comfort her.
High school days were over. And farewells were hard to do and say to fellow mates. She still thinks of him from time to time. She finally had the guts to look for him. So then with the help of a friend they were able to communicate. And both of them confessed their feelings for each other and finally they realized how much they love each other. But then they can't be together physically 'cause she's leaving to college and the guy too. They are in a long distance relationship. But as the months passed the girl felt she was left behind. Alone though she was very true to her promise to him but she still feels that their relationship is going nowhere. She finally decided to get rid of him She has to go back to her home town to continue her studies there and would never feel alone with the companies of her friends. She never heard of the guy. But she still misses him so much. She cried her emotions and loneliness whenever she couldn't hold it anymore. But life must go on...

Dark forces came to changed everyone's lives and had left some people to come to realized how they could do such actions that had hurt someone's feelings...and how much he needed her back.
Another summer came. The guy went to her house and said their hellos and asked their how are yous. He wanted her back. It was too late. The girl doesn't want to go through what she'd been through before. And turned him down. But the guy was very motivated to get her hands back. So they meet and talked about the things that had happened and he told her that he will never do those things again to her. But the girl keeps holding back. But she came to realized that maybe it's worth a second try. Maybe she will never have her heart be broken again. Since the one who broke it is also the one who'll going to fix the damaged. She finally said yes again...

And maybe they really are taking things one day at a time. Maybe they are trying to work it again and avoided the things that might hurt each others feeling. Maybe they are going through the right way. And maybe in spite of the distance they have it in their mind and heart that they'll always have each other. Maybe they are afraid to let go. Maybe they found a safety way to make the relationship work again. And maybe they are learning from their mistakes. And maybe they truly found their happiness. After 6 years of ups and downs. Maybe they'll make it and maybe they couldn't. Maybe the future really is for both of them or maybe it isn't.

But surely the story is still in the making. The end is not near..

the guy and the girl...they are happy in their lost worlds. See.

Estrange Friend

I know there are less people that'll be able to see. That's why I hang around elsewhere but here.

I was walking through our school campus with my friends and along the way we stopped walking to greet a friend. I also noticed her company though she was quite in a distance away from us. I could recognize her. She's an old pal back in highschool. We hangout most of the time also during our college days. It was just yesterday we talked like good friends. Now I don't know what happened. Seems so distant. Unreachable and so mute.

The issue that hit us few months ago was a big destruction that a group of friends could encounter. But for all I know we have to let it go. Yes we were hurt. But to feel it now it's not the same as it was before. It was just a trial that we have to overcome. Not to let ourselves and our yesterdays just vanish.

I was hurt a lot not because of the issue but because it's hard to accept that a friend is having anamnesia or something. Forgot about you. Like a stranger. Memories are so delicate and important. But that person has been part of my life. No one could take that away from me and I won't let that happen.

I want her back. We're all differentpeople now. I know. After what happened I think it's natural for us to be more careful. We make mistakes but still there are rooms for improvements.

Friends are important but yet we sometimes forget about it. I can't even picture myself in her shoes. It's too horrible.

So I was sad. But I was forced to draw a smile masking my emotion. And face yet another gory people and situations ahead. Now how I wish we were total stranger so that it won't hurt much like this.

Whoa..

Summer is almost over and yeah class and blah.blah.blah I don't even want to mention those things..well what can I say? I am not fond of school the past few months though. But sure I had a blast for this summer! I can't go through details right now but if a have more time I'll enumerate them..just not now... I'm busy having fun..hehehe
Oh just want to thank Hannah for changing my layout and all..hehehe

miss you han

Mahal. bibili ka?

Eto ang bagong raket namin magkakaibigan mag benta ng concert tickets ng Kamikazee at Parokya ni Edgar. Napag.isipan namin na gawin to kasi naman hindi kami pumasok ng summer class ngayon.so hanap ng pera ang gagawin namin...
ang ticket ay nagkakahalaga noon ng Php300, may libreng 2smb beer at isang smart sim.. Kapag may nakakasalubong syempre bibentahan namin ng ticket at sa kasawiang palad ang palaging sagot eto "ay mahal..hindi nalang.." at magkakandarapa kaming tatlo magpaliwanag na ganito ganyan, sige bumili ka na.. at wa epek pa rin .. napag.isipan namin na sabihin nalang namin na "may tickets kaming binebenta mahal 300 pesos ano bibili ka ba?"
pero ngayun yung 300 na ticket ay para na sa dalawang tao tapos may free beers pa at smart sim. Noon talagang hina ang benta buti ngayon meron ng nag.papareserve. lang hiya, tig-isangdaang tickets kaming tatlo tapos less than 10 percent lang ang nag.pareserve ha.. wala talagang inabot na pera.. Hayooop tong raket na to..
Naku nag.alala lang naman kami na baka kasi walang taong pupunta at manonood ng concert ng dalawang sikat na bandang ito sa aming liblib na lugar. Haay naku... sige na bili naman kayo ohh

Summer 2007

at first i thought hey, I'm not going to enroll for the summer class so that I can just sit back and enjoy as the sun slowly burns my skin during the day and watch the twinkling of the stars at night.
but why there are situations that just won't fit? makes me feel sad and lonely. there are things that I can't stop from destroying my day. that makes my heart a little happy as the summer pass away.
now I get it. my days won't go according to my plans. it's always just a plan so I decided to let God guide me throughout the day. I guess I'm safe. I guess a little lonely but purely unsure. eergh
I miss writing. I've always dream to write a book. I told myself that my pen and paper will make a great piece and will take me somewhere else. now I'm always preoccupied. I have my friends and my guy whom I spend most of my time. I can't read or finish a book now 'cause I know it will only consume my time for them.
yeah I guess I miss the old kara...who can live with a pen, a paper and a book

Kainiss!

hindi naman talaga ako fanatic nang library kaya lang masarap pala magtambay dito. maginaw at syempre kasi lib tahimik. At kung akala nyo ay nag-aaral ako ng mga lessons ko pwes hindi...ayoko ng lib talaga. dito lang sa skul na pinapasukan ko ngayun ha. kaya pala may masamang pakiramdam ako dito kasi ngayun lang sa pamamalagi ko sa iskwelahang ito gumamit ako ng computer at nag.online pa. abaah syempre nalibang ako sa pag.chachat..yateee tapos dumating ang tagabantay dito at nakita nyang nag chat kami ng kaibigan ko..at yun sa kasawiang palad my fines kami ng Php50. yateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
so kasalanan namin to kaya wala na kaming magawa..para ba kaming alien na dumako msa library. wahahaha okay lang wala din naman akong balak mag.bayad nyan kung hindi ako sisingilin wahahaha

peace..bianca as of now I hate this library. wahahaa

kalagut

just when i want to post something on this blog saka naman di gumagana tong utak ko. ito nalang nararamdaman ko ang gagamitin para naman may masabi kahit konti sayang kasi(tumawag lang at narinig boses ng crush hala nawala na sa sarili).

oks din naman pala mag-tagalog ano. di kasi ako mahilig mag-sulat o mag-salita ng tagaligs hihihi xenxa nah nirerespeto ko naman ang ating sariling wika kaya lang para bang natatakot ako na baka mali.mali..aahh bahala kayo...eh siguro nagsimula ito nung nasa grade school pa ako..lagi kasi maliit lang ang grades ko sa Filipino subject at pinapagalitan ako ng aking mapang.bugbog na nanay(ng pagmamahal yan)hihihi kaya heto si kara laging utal magsalita ng tagalog at malabo magsulat ng tagalog..(kala naman nito talagang marunong mag-english..eh talagang mahina ako nito pake nyo!)..kaya hayan na.trauma ba...tsaka pag.pupunta kami sa bahay nila hana dyos ko para bang torture moments sa akin pag.nandyan mommy nya kasi naman po tagalog sila magsalita.. aba ako lang ang taong kinakapos ng tagalog sa bansang ito...hahaha kawawa naman tong sitwasyon ko at sa pag.bisita ko sa ibang blogs aba tulo laway ko sa kanila. marunong ang mga taong to mag.tagalog( dapat ba akong mamangha talaga?..haha). ako na talagang pinaka.pasaway na Pilipino sa balat ng saging..kainis. kaya dito ko sisimulan sa pag.tahas ng aking sarili sa pagsulat gamit ang salitang tagalog. oks ba yun?

siguro nagtataka kayo ba't hindi ako marunong ano,...pwes higupin nyo to..Oo sa isla ng mindanao ako nakatira at hindi salitang tagalog ang gamit namin dito,..hindi naman talaga ako bobong bis.dak (-BISayang DAKo-) pero sige hinahamon ko ang aking sarili sa pagtatagalog. (Dyos ko kakahiya naman)..At eto pah, talaga naman nakakamangha ang ating pambansang wika kasi para sa 'kin mas malalim ang mga kahulugan o gustong ipinapahiwatig ng salitang tagalog..pero depende din naman sa pag.gamit. ewan ko...(huwag naah bawal sa 'kin mag-isip)

sana maintindihan nyo tong isinulat ko...kung natakot ko man kayo o napatawa. ewan ko kung pwede kong ipagmalaki sa sarili ko sa nagawa ko sa inyong mga hindi masyadong malugod na bumabasa ng blog na ito.. hihihi pero di bale ibubuhos ko lahat ng aking talino at lakas mapabuti lang ang kalunos.lunos na sitwasyon ko...hahaha

sige hanggang sa muli kong pag.sulat (aba kapal..hihihi)


bianca..peace

kalagut

just when i want to post something on this blog saka naman di gumagana tong utak ko. ito nalang nararamdaman ko ang gagamitin para naman may masabi kahit konti sayang kasi(tumawag lang at narinig boses ng crush hala nawala na sa sarili).

oks din naman pala mag-tagalog ano. di kasi ako mahilig mag-sulat o mag-salita ng tagaligs hihihi xenxa nah nirerespeto ko naman ang ating sariling linguahe kaya lang para bang natatakot ako na baka mali.mali..aahh bahala kayo...eh siguro nagsimula ito nung nasa grade school pa ako..lagi kasi maliit lang ang grades ko sa Filipino subject at pinapagalitan ako ng aking mapang.bugbog na nanay(ng pagmamahal yan)hihihi kaya heto si kara laging utal magsalita ng tagalog at malabo magsulat ng tagalog..(kala naman nito talagang marunong mag-english..eh talagang mahina ako nito pake nyo!)..kaya hayan na.trauma ba...tsaka pag.pupunta kami sa bahay nila hana dyos ko para bang torture moments sa akin pag.nandyan mommy nya kasi naman po tagalog sila magsalita.. aba ako lang ang taong kinakapos ng tagalog sa bansang ito...hahaha kawawa naman tong sitwasyon ko at sa pag.bisita ko sa ibang blogs aba tulo laway ko sa kanila. marunong ang mga taong to mag.tagalog( dapat ba akong mamangha talaga?..haha). ako na talagang pinaka.pasaway na Pilipino sa balat ng saging..kainis. kaya dito ko sisimulan sa pag.tahas ng aking sarili sa pagsulat gamit ang salitang tagalog. oks ba yun?

siguro nagtataka kayo ba't hindi ako marunong ano,...pwes higupin nyo to..Oo sa isla ng mindanao ako nakatira at hindi salitang tagalog ang gamit namin dito,..hindi naman talaga ako bobong bis.dak (-BISayang DAKo-) pero sige hinahamon ko ang aking sarili sa pagtatagalog. (Dyos ko kakahiya naman)..At eto pah, talaga naman nakakamangha ang ating pambansang wika kasi para sa 'kin mas malalim ang mga kahulugan o gustong ipinapahiwatig ng salitang tagalog..pero depende din naman sa pag.gamit. ewan ko...(huwag naah bawal sa 'kin mag-isip)

sana maintindihan nyo tong isinulat ko...kung natakot ko man kayo o napatawa. ewan ko kung pwede kong ipagmalaki sa sarili ko sa nagawa ko sa inyong mga hindi masyadong malugod na bumabasa ng blog na ito.. hihihi pero di bale ibubuhos ko lahat ng aking talino at lakas mapabuti lang ang kalunos.lunos na sitwasyon ko...hahaha

sige hanggang sa muli kong pag.sulat (aba kapal..hihihi)


bianca..peace

tomorrow

K: yeah, it's valentine's day tomorrow. i don't have any plans yet but i am hoping i'll be spending time relaxing at home and be with my friends (if they would want me to be with them that is). As for dets.dets i think i have some dreaming to do tomorrow. in that case i would enjoy visiting romantic places and events in my mind with my dream company..hihihi secwrets...
: i am so sick of texting so tired of c.phone but why can't i tx them to stop bothering me...grrrr hahaha
including E! haay valentine's day
:hope all my friends don't have dates tomorrow so it will be all fair..hahahaha

in my mind

k= represents me
" = represents my other self

the setting of this blog will be the same with my diary starting now.. just look at the legends and maybe you can follow me in my mind if you want to, that is... ok.

kinda weird but i like it better this way.....


acnaib

real and fancy

is this really necessary? i really don't know how to express my feelings through this blog. my previous posts were not serious and probably you're thinking that i'm a fool. i admit but not all the time.hihihi you see sometimes you want to try new things around and for my behaviour lately i can say that this isn't the real me. sure i'm in denial but i am willing to change for good. now that i have an urge to change little by little and turn myself to a good samaritan(daw! well i'm trying...) i'm willing to open up for this blog world and express myself in this new (?) life and share good things that happened to me and the bad ones too, the magical and the twists of life in between.... so here i start and a toast for this opening..
sorry for the inconvenience of this blog and the owner. but hopefully i'll improve...

Got A Minute

i always keep telling myself that i don't want to make any contact of the outer spacers but hey look i wanted to make this thing long but unfortunately for me I have no time left..ergh
what kind of 24hour cafe i'm in? duhh i guess this is not the right time to post a something.something hehehe
sorry hana..next time nalang...

acnaib tc.

Never Mind..

My mind is so crumpled with thoughts of lousy memories!

Though I never want to recall it I guess absorbing it might do good or not..
I'm not sure which is which.. duuhhh

I tried to be good for myself and to everyone else around me but I keep on slipping on that. Of course letting those people who cared for me especially myself left disappointed..

but all I want for them is to expect little of me... I can't be hard to myself but I don't know where did I go wrong? I'm just learning and tasting the bitter side of life... ugh!

I'm lost right now... and out of words.

acnaib

Warning!

Kalin jud ning akong mga migas dah..

manda jud mu sige mu sura nko kai i.murderized jud tamu..

pero dawatun nalang nko kai ana naman jud nah..

sige sura lang nahan man pod ko!!!
tarunga lang pod ibutang sa lugar...

hahaha malihog lang ko kay di man pod tamu ing.ana.un....

feel my plea......

kara

Si Julie Bah

Lain kaau si julie di sige uban namu laag
gahapon rah bya siya kuyog namu....

Gika.ulaw naman mi anah niya..

Walang awa!!

Jul, nyahaha hihihi

Dysfunctional Brain!

Abaah abaah abaah nganu pod ning pagka.limtanun mu.andar lagi....
Last year pa intawun tong last nakog post unya kay mag.post na unta ko ky daghan nang ika.share ang lola naah limut pod sa user name and even ang password..merisi!!!!

Na di karun ni malfunction napod akong coconut waah nay ika.post...
Basat kay naka.hinumdum nko run lefay nkow...

kara...huna2 sa ko..